11/20/2011 Topics: Rick Perry offers to "Bump" Herman Cain, Another Dead Satellite Plummeting, Supercommittee Not so Super Anymore

In one of the many awkward moments on Tuesday's Republican debate, Rick Perry announced that he will introduce his own tax plan that will rival Herman Cain's 9-9-9 plan and told him "I'll bump plans with you brother" (about his rival plan, the "Flat Tax" See the clip here --

In a related story, Herman Cain said after Rick Perry bumps his plan, Cain's plan will file a sexual harassment lawsuit against Perry's plan!



In space news, yet another of a recent series of dead Satellites will be plummeting toward Earth. It's an old 2.4 ton German satellite that is expected to crash as early as Friday. According to German experts, approximately 1.6 tons of satellite debris, consisting primarily of up to 30 large glass and ceramic fragments, could survive the journey through the atmosphere and reach the Earth's surface.

Today the broken down satellite was seen rocketing towards earth and the observer couldn't help but notice that the German satellite was van shaped with a "VW" logo on the front. It also had smoke bellowing out the sides with Jerry Garcia inside!



In other news, the Republican and Democrat "Super Committee" is making Capitol hill nervous this week as their pending deadline is approaching for getting a deficit reduction agreement. Yeah, remember them? The group that was named after the last crisis? The group came out this week and said they would be changing their name to the
"Do Just Enough not to get Fired Committee!"

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11/16/2011 Topics: Occupy Wall Street, Apple iPhone 4S Siri App, Rick Perry

The Occupy Wall Street protests in lower Manhatten have spread overseas to Rome, Italy this week. There peaceful protests erupted into mayhem as rioters smashed windows, tore up sidewalks, and torched vehicles. Rome’s mayor said on Sunday that it will cost approximately euro 1 million ($1.4 Million dollars) to clean up the mess.

In a related story, Olive Garden restaurants have changed their slogan from “When you’re here, you’re family” to “What’s tha matta, you gotta problem? I’LL GIVE YOU A F^@%!NG PROBLEM!”


This week it was learned that Apple’s new iPhone 4S will have an app called Siri that uses artificial intelligence and several databases to give intelligent answers to your questions. Some examples of answers are, when you tell Siri: “You’re a poop” It quickly answers “I guess you’re not happy.” If you ask for drugs it recommends the closest treatment centers and perhaps most helpful, when you ask for a “happy ending” it shows you the nearest massage places.
In a related story lawyers everywhere are starting to offer legal assistance to those who have been wrongfully misguided by an iPhone 4S.


In just seven weeks, Republican presidential candidate Rick Perry has gone from the frontrunner to the underdog with political pundits citing his lack of debate skills with his difficulty forming intelligible sentences much less clear political arguments.

Just this week Rick Perry was asked in a conversation with a major newspaper why his campaign has swung so dramatically from high to low and he responded “Well, you see, in Texas we aint the greatest debaters. As a matter a fact, we like to call ourselves uniters. I wanna be a uniter, not a divider, just like my pal G-dubya!” Shortly that after Governor Perry was known to have visited the Bush Ranch for a cocktail and quail that they shot just before eating it.

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11/13/2011 Topics: Netflix, Herman Cain, Occupy Wall Street

On Monday, Netflix announced they are scrapping their plans to split their dvd and streaming services apart citing customer outrage with the proposed change. Their CEO Reed Hastings said in a blog post today:

“We are going to keep Netflix as one place to go for streaming and DVDs.
This means no change: one website, one account, one password… in other words, no Qwikster.”

What he’s really saying is there will now be one website, one account, one password… in other words, no Reed Hastings!


During an interview this week the former Godfather's Pizza CEO Republican candidate Herman Cain said food and clothing would not be exempt from his famous 9-9-9 plan stating that it’s fair for a poor person to pay the same amount of tax for groceries as he does.
In another inverview Mr. Cain tried to sell his plan by saying “My 9-9-9 plan is simple, implement a 9% sales tax, a 9% flat tax on personal income, and a 9% smaller large pizza for the same price for America!


This week Kanye West crashed the Occupy Wall Street protests. Is this really what they needed? An organizer from the 3 week old movement camping out near the New York financial district was quoted as saying “Just what we need, someone that’s more full of sh*t than we smell like!”

Funny news is written by me, Justin, and is a funny news column about politics, weekly, national, us, and world news with a funny twist you'll only find here.

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